Day 6: Wee Hours
In the minutes that I have to lollygag around my house before work, I feel okay. Today I wasn't AS shaky, AS crack-addict-y. I can only hope it will pass altogether. In a recent e-mail, Jill said that she knew it was going to be hard for me to quit cold turkey. I don't think so. You make a choice, you stick to it. I chose Dick. I'll stick to it. I STICK TO DICK! Only one who finds herself funny, party of one?
I guess that it's been easy for me to make that choice because my job makes me directly responsible for 24 children. I AM old enough to know that you don't screw with your job. So from Monday to Friday, I'm Polly Professional.
At first, that made me feel like I had multiple personalities, because I was so quiet, accomodating, and the "yes" girl at work. Jump? Sure, hop, hop, hop.
And then on the weekends, it got worse, because I worked with Dick at a restaurant which required more of the same.
So WHEN I chose to let loose, I just got drunk. And angry. Everything that I had been avoiding during the week would just come STOMPING and ROARING out and it was a big, dynamic "FUCK YOU" to everything that had happened in my life during the weekend.
And it didn't solve a damn thing.
Most times it usually just created more drama.
I started becoming "that girl". An old friend called me last night and repeatedly asked me, "So, no new drama?" and I just said "No," and told her that I quit drinking with the realization that to her I was THAT GIRL. And I just don't want to be her anymore.
I feel optimistic Friday morning, but we'll see how it is later on today. When I'm home alone without Dick. Maybe I'll use all the beer in the fridge to wash my hair.
Jane Says: They call her a killer, and they call her a sinner, and they call her a whore.
I guess that it's been easy for me to make that choice because my job makes me directly responsible for 24 children. I AM old enough to know that you don't screw with your job. So from Monday to Friday, I'm Polly Professional.
At first, that made me feel like I had multiple personalities, because I was so quiet, accomodating, and the "yes" girl at work. Jump? Sure, hop, hop, hop.
And then on the weekends, it got worse, because I worked with Dick at a restaurant which required more of the same.
So WHEN I chose to let loose, I just got drunk. And angry. Everything that I had been avoiding during the week would just come STOMPING and ROARING out and it was a big, dynamic "FUCK YOU" to everything that had happened in my life during the weekend.
And it didn't solve a damn thing.
Most times it usually just created more drama.
I started becoming "that girl". An old friend called me last night and repeatedly asked me, "So, no new drama?" and I just said "No," and told her that I quit drinking with the realization that to her I was THAT GIRL. And I just don't want to be her anymore.
I feel optimistic Friday morning, but we'll see how it is later on today. When I'm home alone without Dick. Maybe I'll use all the beer in the fridge to wash my hair.
Jane Says: They call her a killer, and they call her a sinner, and they call her a whore.
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on Friday, May 26, 2006 at 2:14 AM.
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