Step 2 and Step 3
I tried to write about Steps 2 and 3 about two weeks ago, but found myself getting agitated, because I couldn't come to terms with what my understanding of God was. Is. I didn't know who or whom or WHAT I was turning everything over to, and that made me highly uncomfortable.
In reflection, I realize now that I was having trouble with the turning over and with the higher power because I have felt alone for a large part of this year and last year. Which, in fact, is just vain and ridiculous. But I also feel that is part of the healing process for people who are not drinking: realizing that a lot of things you did, or aspects of your personality are VAIN and RIDICULOUS.
If I didn't care so much about what other people thought, or feeling comfortable (VANITY, RIGHT HERE), I wouldn't have picked up a drink. Yes, I did appreciate a good wine, the taste, but I wanted, needed, longed for the feeling that it inevitably, gracefully provided me after 2 or 3 drinks. The problem? I couldn't stop there. I felt so great that I would drink! more! and then, my friends, and then, trouble.
What it comes down to, however, is clear black and white. I cannot do it by myself. And I think this is one instance where cannot does not necessarily mean "won't". Or maybe it does. I won't do it by myself. But you know what? I shouldn't have to. Reaching out for help doesn't make me any less of a person.
In fact, I learned yesterday that it broadens your horizons and makes you that much stronger.
Jane says: There's always someone cooler than you.
In reflection, I realize now that I was having trouble with the turning over and with the higher power because I have felt alone for a large part of this year and last year. Which, in fact, is just vain and ridiculous. But I also feel that is part of the healing process for people who are not drinking: realizing that a lot of things you did, or aspects of your personality are VAIN and RIDICULOUS.
If I didn't care so much about what other people thought, or feeling comfortable (VANITY, RIGHT HERE), I wouldn't have picked up a drink. Yes, I did appreciate a good wine, the taste, but I wanted, needed, longed for the feeling that it inevitably, gracefully provided me after 2 or 3 drinks. The problem? I couldn't stop there. I felt so great that I would drink! more! and then, my friends, and then, trouble.
What it comes down to, however, is clear black and white. I cannot do it by myself. And I think this is one instance where cannot does not necessarily mean "won't". Or maybe it does. I won't do it by myself. But you know what? I shouldn't have to. Reaching out for help doesn't make me any less of a person.
In fact, I learned yesterday that it broadens your horizons and makes you that much stronger.
Jane says: There's always someone cooler than you.
Labels: abstinence, alcohol, step 2, step 3
This entry was posted
on Wednesday, February 13, 2008 at 5:51 PM.
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You have such great perspective regarding your life at this time. I'm always amazed at the trials God gives us to handle every day. This week, I have been dealing with things I never in a million years thought I would face in this lifetime. And asking for help seems so monumental right now. But your right it makes us stronger to ask for help. I am always amazed at how our weaknesses become our strengths. I just hope that I can ask for the help I need. This post was very inspiring as I read it. I hope you don't mind my commenting on it. Thanks for reading my blog and watching my world unfold.
I struggle with my concept of god and what he/she entails, or can do, or wants with me. Asking for help does require strength.
You are so right hun. I am glad you are coming to these realisations. They will serve to make you stronger.
x
Cara
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