Day 17: Addictions
We got a phone call from Dick's ex-wife today. Seems that our youngest was caught smoking pot at school. He's 11. The older one got caught about 2 months ago, at home. Maybe the younger one thought he was being smart by keeping it out of the house.
I don't even know what I was doing at 11...Oh, wait, yes I do. I was drinking wine coolers on the beach in Hong Kong with my friends. I smoked pot once when I was in 8th grade (still 11 years old, yeah, I'm a freak of nature that way), but it was in a cigarette and I didn't know it. After that, I kept my lungs clean. I still drank, though. On the weekends. All my friends smoked like fools.
I have to wonder if his willingness to smoke has to do with some sort of example that Dick, his mother, and I have set for him. We drank openly in front of them, and let them taste it. Opposite of forbidden fruit, right? I know his mother openly smokes and drinks in front of him.
Last summer, when we took him to a Dave Matthews Band Concert, he got a contact high. Everyone and their mother (literally) had a joint or a pipe. It was impossible not to get stoned. At the time, he got really paranoid and wanted to leave early. However, as soon as he got on the phone with his peers, he said, "Dude, I got so stoned..."hmmmph. Poser is as poser does, I thought, thinking that he was adopting that attitude to be "cool".
It's a difficult situation, trying to figure out what to do with the two adolescents who once made bets on whether or not I could finish a bottle of champagne by myself (I could). Their mother wants to take them and get them drug tested, but then what? I asked my husband. Those are big actions for somebody who doesn't have the balls to back it up, I told him.
Every time there is a problem, and there have been numerous ones this year, she calls - but mostly for an opinion. She doesn't really "want our support", She just wants to Bartles and Jaymes it. Pretend she has it.
If it were up to me? I'd nip that shit in the bud (PUNNY!). Make them delete their Myspace accounts, cut their hair, make them buy clothes that ACTUALLY fit, cut them off from the computer COMPLETELY, and tell them to get summer jobs (dog walking, grass cutting, something to occupy their time so they are NOT puff puff passing while she works 1509 hours a week.). And, they would have to call every 1/2 hour while enduring random drug tests until they were clean 6 tests in a row.
Dick thinks that's harsh. I think it's necessary. From working with kids I do know that if you've let them run wild - and she has - you NEED to show them that you mean business in a serious way, or else they'll end up where my cousin did. In rehab. Or where Dick's cousin did. Dead.
Even though I am trying to show them that I mean business by quitting drinking - the eldest has said that he doesn't like being around me when I drink. I don't blame him. I called him a dick last summer when I was drunk. He is, but I shouldn't have said that. He likes to lie. About Dick. I'm like a momma dog. I snarl when you mess with my family. If you're not careful, I'll bite, too - I won't be around them to set that example. It's my choice, but the oldest is a BIG TRIGGER for me. In the past, I drank to DROWN his BULLSHIT out. Which is terrible. But every time I tried to talk to him, made an honest attempt, he just ran back to his mother and manipulated my words so that he could get what he wanted out of her. I think that I need to have a stronger emotional outlet not based on alcohol before I can be around him (cue Kimberly from Desperate Housewives, here).
With Dick and I moving out of the country, I don't know when that will be.
Jane Says: And these lies between us grow deeper.
I don't even know what I was doing at 11...Oh, wait, yes I do. I was drinking wine coolers on the beach in Hong Kong with my friends. I smoked pot once when I was in 8th grade (still 11 years old, yeah, I'm a freak of nature that way), but it was in a cigarette and I didn't know it. After that, I kept my lungs clean. I still drank, though. On the weekends. All my friends smoked like fools.
I have to wonder if his willingness to smoke has to do with some sort of example that Dick, his mother, and I have set for him. We drank openly in front of them, and let them taste it. Opposite of forbidden fruit, right? I know his mother openly smokes and drinks in front of him.
Last summer, when we took him to a Dave Matthews Band Concert, he got a contact high. Everyone and their mother (literally) had a joint or a pipe. It was impossible not to get stoned. At the time, he got really paranoid and wanted to leave early. However, as soon as he got on the phone with his peers, he said, "Dude, I got so stoned..."hmmmph. Poser is as poser does, I thought, thinking that he was adopting that attitude to be "cool".
It's a difficult situation, trying to figure out what to do with the two adolescents who once made bets on whether or not I could finish a bottle of champagne by myself (I could). Their mother wants to take them and get them drug tested, but then what? I asked my husband. Those are big actions for somebody who doesn't have the balls to back it up, I told him.
Every time there is a problem, and there have been numerous ones this year, she calls - but mostly for an opinion. She doesn't really "want our support", She just wants to Bartles and Jaymes it. Pretend she has it.
If it were up to me? I'd nip that shit in the bud (PUNNY!). Make them delete their Myspace accounts, cut their hair, make them buy clothes that ACTUALLY fit, cut them off from the computer COMPLETELY, and tell them to get summer jobs (dog walking, grass cutting, something to occupy their time so they are NOT puff puff passing while she works 1509 hours a week.). And, they would have to call every 1/2 hour while enduring random drug tests until they were clean 6 tests in a row.
Dick thinks that's harsh. I think it's necessary. From working with kids I do know that if you've let them run wild - and she has - you NEED to show them that you mean business in a serious way, or else they'll end up where my cousin did. In rehab. Or where Dick's cousin did. Dead.
Even though I am trying to show them that I mean business by quitting drinking - the eldest has said that he doesn't like being around me when I drink. I don't blame him. I called him a dick last summer when I was drunk. He is, but I shouldn't have said that. He likes to lie. About Dick. I'm like a momma dog. I snarl when you mess with my family. If you're not careful, I'll bite, too - I won't be around them to set that example. It's my choice, but the oldest is a BIG TRIGGER for me. In the past, I drank to DROWN his BULLSHIT out. Which is terrible. But every time I tried to talk to him, made an honest attempt, he just ran back to his mother and manipulated my words so that he could get what he wanted out of her. I think that I need to have a stronger emotional outlet not based on alcohol before I can be around him (cue Kimberly from Desperate Housewives, here).
With Dick and I moving out of the country, I don't know when that will be.
Jane Says: And these lies between us grow deeper.
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on Tuesday, June 06, 2006 at 4:10 PM.
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