Wow! I suck!
At journaling, anyway.
I'm sorry for hiding. I'm swamped with work and what not, and am overly frustrated with the not drinking & medication. But not for the obvious reasons. About two weeks back, they upped my Lexapro from 10 to 20 milligrams, because I had a panic attack that one week when I was drinking. Duh.
I usually give it some weeks to kick in, but now we're WHERE? And I feel drugged. Usually I can handle altered (haha! Joke!). I don't feel like I should be operating heavy machinery, I feel like shit in the mornings, am dizzy, weak, fatigued, nauseated. At work! At home! All the time! And I know you so want me to go home with you right now, right? Am I right?SEXY!
I went back to the good doctor yesterday, tell him my symptoms. He says we should lower the Lexapro, to get back to the GOOD PLACE I WAS (see: fleeting). Also, the other night? When I was awake later than I usually was? I noticed that I was starting get more alert. Now? I am SO ALERT and I should be sleeping already because I have to get up early dammit, and this is cutting into my day. Not to mention that I can't stay awake during the day because I am so freaking tired. Where is the fucking 'WAH'mbulance?
What I was trying to say is this: My reward for being and staying sober is that I get to wake up happy, alert, and refreshed, not grumpy, stumbling, and nauseated. That's like drinking anyway (which I still will not be indulging in, not to worry, J.)! Do you see what I'm saying?
Result: Lowered medication, and decided to try it at night so I will be drowsy at night and alert in the morning when I need to be. And 20's! Get out of my body all ready! I should be a scientist, yes?
Which made me think about alcoholism. As I said before, the doctor said that because alcohol affected my personal life, it made me an alcoholic. With the medication affecting my personal life and work performance, how is that a better substitute? I'm not arguing to drink, let me be clear. I just want to get my medication sorted out. So that's why I've been so quiet, in a nutshell.
And you know, life is still barreling forward. I need about 3 more days in between here and tomorrow.
Antabuse update: Still have metal taste in mouth. Gum purchases are now through the roof.
Jane Says: Islands in the stream, that is what we are. No one in between, how can we be wrong?
I'm sorry for hiding. I'm swamped with work and what not, and am overly frustrated with the not drinking & medication. But not for the obvious reasons. About two weeks back, they upped my Lexapro from 10 to 20 milligrams, because I had a panic attack that one week when I was drinking. Duh.
I usually give it some weeks to kick in, but now we're WHERE? And I feel drugged. Usually I can handle altered (haha! Joke!). I don't feel like I should be operating heavy machinery, I feel like shit in the mornings, am dizzy, weak, fatigued, nauseated. At work! At home! All the time! And I know you so want me to go home with you right now, right? Am I right?SEXY!
I went back to the good doctor yesterday, tell him my symptoms. He says we should lower the Lexapro, to get back to the GOOD PLACE I WAS (see: fleeting). Also, the other night? When I was awake later than I usually was? I noticed that I was starting get more alert. Now? I am SO ALERT and I should be sleeping already because I have to get up early dammit, and this is cutting into my day. Not to mention that I can't stay awake during the day because I am so freaking tired. Where is the fucking 'WAH'mbulance?
What I was trying to say is this: My reward for being and staying sober is that I get to wake up happy, alert, and refreshed, not grumpy, stumbling, and nauseated. That's like drinking anyway (which I still will not be indulging in, not to worry, J.)! Do you see what I'm saying?
Result: Lowered medication, and decided to try it at night so I will be drowsy at night and alert in the morning when I need to be. And 20's! Get out of my body all ready! I should be a scientist, yes?
Which made me think about alcoholism. As I said before, the doctor said that because alcohol affected my personal life, it made me an alcoholic. With the medication affecting my personal life and work performance, how is that a better substitute? I'm not arguing to drink, let me be clear. I just want to get my medication sorted out. So that's why I've been so quiet, in a nutshell.
And you know, life is still barreling forward. I need about 3 more days in between here and tomorrow.
Antabuse update: Still have metal taste in mouth. Gum purchases are now through the roof.
Jane Says: Islands in the stream, that is what we are. No one in between, how can we be wrong?
This entry was posted
on Wednesday, October 18, 2006 at 3:22 AM.
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I'm glad you are getting things all sorted out. I see what you are saying about the medication altering you being a bad thing because that is what you are trying to get away from. It makes sense, really. I am holding fast to our pact as well. I'll talk with you more later.
Come back soon?!! =o)
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