Don't Make Me...
...bust a cap in yo' ass.
Not really, but that's just something that I always wanted to say. Seriously. I just can't imagine a time and a place in my life that it would be appropriate. Ever. And I've been thinking about this for dayssss.
Which I guess would be a good lead in for my thoughts.
I was pretty worked up about the driver's license. I thought it was a step backward. When I went to the counselor, I told her about it in detail. And she said that it was good that I stopped it. She gave me credit for stopping it. And it was something that never occurred to me. To look at the positive.
Every time that I talk to her, I feel liberated. There's just a little bit more quiet. Inside. There's less "What if, what if?" and more "Enjoy".
On the non-drinking front, I have noticed that I am much more relaxed. Rather than staring at other's drinks and salivating like some kind of fool and feeling angry, I am content with an O'Doul's. Which makes me think that I am/was so concerned with what others think/thought that I would do anything (including drinking liquid courage) to FIT IN. I think I did that constantly. Reshaped myself to fit in other's puzzles. To be the missing piece for everybody else. It made me feel wanted, I guess.
Now, I don't have to worry about my decisions being influenced by alcohol, because I know that I have made them with a clear mind. Muddled maybe, but definitely non-alcoholic. Which maybe makes me kind of boring.
Fido Dido says that "Normal is Boring", but I haven't felt this way in a long time.
Jane Says: I'm leaving, on a jet plane. Don't know when I'll be back again.
Not really, but that's just something that I always wanted to say. Seriously. I just can't imagine a time and a place in my life that it would be appropriate. Ever. And I've been thinking about this for dayssss.
Which I guess would be a good lead in for my thoughts.
I was pretty worked up about the driver's license. I thought it was a step backward. When I went to the counselor, I told her about it in detail. And she said that it was good that I stopped it. She gave me credit for stopping it. And it was something that never occurred to me. To look at the positive.
Every time that I talk to her, I feel liberated. There's just a little bit more quiet. Inside. There's less "What if, what if?" and more "Enjoy".
On the non-drinking front, I have noticed that I am much more relaxed. Rather than staring at other's drinks and salivating like some kind of fool and feeling angry, I am content with an O'Doul's. Which makes me think that I am/was so concerned with what others think/thought that I would do anything (including drinking liquid courage) to FIT IN. I think I did that constantly. Reshaped myself to fit in other's puzzles. To be the missing piece for everybody else. It made me feel wanted, I guess.
Now, I don't have to worry about my decisions being influenced by alcohol, because I know that I have made them with a clear mind. Muddled maybe, but definitely non-alcoholic. Which maybe makes me kind of boring.
Fido Dido says that "Normal is Boring", but I haven't felt this way in a long time.
Jane Says: I'm leaving, on a jet plane. Don't know when I'll be back again.
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on Sunday, July 23, 2006 at 11:58 AM.
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