Assistance
I got a call from my counselor today. I've never met her before (which is an odd feeling, considering the concentrated environments I've been living in) - she wants to meet tomorrow.
My mom told me to tell her about the Paxil. I assumed (wrongly?) that she wanted me to tell her in case they want to medicate me. Placate me. I DON'T want to be medicated. Both of my Paxil attempts ended with suicide attempts. Yes, there were boys involved, but I've been involved with many men and never considered ending my life. Paxil has been the only common denominator. Point being, I clammed right up on that lady, my mom. No pills for the pill, thank you very much. I know I shouldn't do that.
When I told her about the patterns, she asked if I was drinking. I was able to reply (truthfully) that I had quit. She said "Congratulations," but I felt as if maybe I were lying.
I don't know how I feel about drinking just yet.
When I was talking to Dick on the phone the other day, he said that we could take some Margaritas out on the boat.
I said I would be the designated driver.
He said, "You don't have to worry about that here - there's one lady that I've met at least five times who is drunk off her ass every time." I think he was telling me that no one would single me out "as the crazy girl" if I choose to drink, but I told him I don't want to be that "wild" girl. I don't have any control over what it is that is eating me up just yet. Or maybe I have a little. I'm not drinking. I WILL go to counseling tomorrow.
He said okay. I wonder if he ever gets tired of trying to make things easier for me. I wonder if I will ever find a place where I will be comfortable just being myself without alcohol. It's not progressing as quickly as I would like. I feel STUNTED. Drinking stunts your growth.
I will see her tomorrow at 2. For about 2 hours, she said.
I want to be honest with her.
Jane Says: I believe that if you are what you eat, I am cheap, fast, and greasy.
*Stolen lovingly from Larry the Cable Guy.
My mom told me to tell her about the Paxil. I assumed (wrongly?) that she wanted me to tell her in case they want to medicate me. Placate me. I DON'T want to be medicated. Both of my Paxil attempts ended with suicide attempts. Yes, there were boys involved, but I've been involved with many men and never considered ending my life. Paxil has been the only common denominator. Point being, I clammed right up on that lady, my mom. No pills for the pill, thank you very much. I know I shouldn't do that.
When I told her about the patterns, she asked if I was drinking. I was able to reply (truthfully) that I had quit. She said "Congratulations," but I felt as if maybe I were lying.
I don't know how I feel about drinking just yet.
When I was talking to Dick on the phone the other day, he said that we could take some Margaritas out on the boat.
I said I would be the designated driver.
He said, "You don't have to worry about that here - there's one lady that I've met at least five times who is drunk off her ass every time." I think he was telling me that no one would single me out "as the crazy girl" if I choose to drink, but I told him I don't want to be that "wild" girl. I don't have any control over what it is that is eating me up just yet. Or maybe I have a little. I'm not drinking. I WILL go to counseling tomorrow.
He said okay. I wonder if he ever gets tired of trying to make things easier for me. I wonder if I will ever find a place where I will be comfortable just being myself without alcohol. It's not progressing as quickly as I would like. I feel STUNTED. Drinking stunts your growth.
I will see her tomorrow at 2. For about 2 hours, she said.
I want to be honest with her.
Jane Says: I believe that if you are what you eat, I am cheap, fast, and greasy.
*Stolen lovingly from Larry the Cable Guy.
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on Thursday, July 13, 2006 at 7:46 AM.
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