Catgotchertongue
All's quiet on this front. For awhile, at least.
The anxieties re: impending travel are quieted by everyday menial tasks.
I'm not scared about going.
I'm not scared about what will happen when I'm there.
I'm scared about what will happen to me if I have to leave.
I am the queen of co-dependency. We have ascertained that.
I do well without Dick for about 3 weeks, tops (HA!).
Then I just start to lose my shit.
I know that I should make it about me. About something I can live with. With myself.
I don't know how to do that.
I am so lonely without him that watching Jen and that stupid Ty character kiss on "Dawson's Creek" makes me pause. And sigh. And if that isn't scraping the bottom of the fucking barrel, I don't know WHAT is.
I feel uncomfortable because most of my "friends" are bloggers. For some reason, these people have chosen to stick with me through some VERY tough times. Unedited.
And the people I know in real life come and go.
You might say they're not my real friends, but maybe I just pushed too hard. I don't know.
I take a lot.
Sometimes I think it is too much.
I try to do, too. But I just feel so incompetent at it.
I do the wrong things.
What if I can't "talk" to you while I'm over there?
Then what?
Jane Says: I wish I were a trinity, so if I lost a part of me, I'd still have two of the same from which to live.
The anxieties re: impending travel are quieted by everyday menial tasks.
I'm not scared about going.
I'm not scared about what will happen when I'm there.
I'm scared about what will happen to me if I have to leave.
I am the queen of co-dependency. We have ascertained that.
I do well without Dick for about 3 weeks, tops (HA!).
Then I just start to lose my shit.
I know that I should make it about me. About something I can live with. With myself.
I don't know how to do that.
I am so lonely without him that watching Jen and that stupid Ty character kiss on "Dawson's Creek" makes me pause. And sigh. And if that isn't scraping the bottom of the fucking barrel, I don't know WHAT is.
I feel uncomfortable because most of my "friends" are bloggers. For some reason, these people have chosen to stick with me through some VERY tough times. Unedited.
And the people I know in real life come and go.
You might say they're not my real friends, but maybe I just pushed too hard. I don't know.
I take a lot.
Sometimes I think it is too much.
I try to do, too. But I just feel so incompetent at it.
I do the wrong things.
What if I can't "talk" to you while I'm over there?
Then what?
Jane Says: I wish I were a trinity, so if I lost a part of me, I'd still have two of the same from which to live.
This entry was posted
on Wednesday, July 26, 2006 at 4:47 PM.
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