Day 7: Love is a Battlefield
I know I wrote a little bit about being thin-skinned yesterday - seems I am predisposed to it (no, I don't really believe that).
This morning I woke up feeling guilty for feeling upset that it bothers me that Dick drinks. When I told the counselor that I didn't want to be "one of those girls" - and by one of those girls, I mean the "I can't drink! DON'T drink around me!" girls. Who think ANYONE that drinks has a problem. I don't want to be *THAT* girl.
Rather than let it fester (as it seems I have done with so many other things), I approached him this morning, while asking him to remove all alcohol from our house. Not that there is an overabundance of it, but we do have some on hand, which I have been known to drink from time to time.
He was not angry at all, and said that he would not drink. I mentioned that I was afraid he would resent me in the long run if he didn't think that he had a problem with alcohol, and he said that he wouldn't. Which makes me wish I had opened my mouth earlier. I feel like that was such a point of contention with me. I felt angry and that it really distanced us when he was still drinking.
Another friend asked me if I felt selfish saying that he shouldn't drink, and I do, but I don't. He has had his own run-ins with my friend Al, and I don't think that it is an unhealthy choice. But that's not my story to tell, so I'll shut up about it.
He did express surprise about the other alcohol - he never touches it, so I can understand why he rarely noticed it, but I told him that I look at it every day. And it's not so much the compulsion to drink it that bothers me, but what it represents. Especially on days when I feel less centered and LESS relaxed.
An oldtimer said that I've got to learn to make do with the tools that I've got. Which means reaching out and talking more. *SIGH* I'm a writer! Not a talker!
Whenever I feel uncomfortable, I remember how uncomfortable I feel when I am drinking and inevitably do something stupid. There is no greater discomfort than that, to me.
So talk, it is.
Whatever it takes.
Whatever it takes.
Jane Says: If you need a friend, don't look to a stranger.
This morning I woke up feeling guilty for feeling upset that it bothers me that Dick drinks. When I told the counselor that I didn't want to be "one of those girls" - and by one of those girls, I mean the "I can't drink! DON'T drink around me!" girls. Who think ANYONE that drinks has a problem. I don't want to be *THAT* girl.
Rather than let it fester (as it seems I have done with so many other things), I approached him this morning, while asking him to remove all alcohol from our house. Not that there is an overabundance of it, but we do have some on hand, which I have been known to drink from time to time.
He was not angry at all, and said that he would not drink. I mentioned that I was afraid he would resent me in the long run if he didn't think that he had a problem with alcohol, and he said that he wouldn't. Which makes me wish I had opened my mouth earlier. I feel like that was such a point of contention with me. I felt angry and that it really distanced us when he was still drinking.
Another friend asked me if I felt selfish saying that he shouldn't drink, and I do, but I don't. He has had his own run-ins with my friend Al, and I don't think that it is an unhealthy choice. But that's not my story to tell, so I'll shut up about it.
He did express surprise about the other alcohol - he never touches it, so I can understand why he rarely noticed it, but I told him that I look at it every day. And it's not so much the compulsion to drink it that bothers me, but what it represents. Especially on days when I feel less centered and LESS relaxed.
An oldtimer said that I've got to learn to make do with the tools that I've got. Which means reaching out and talking more. *SIGH* I'm a writer! Not a talker!
Whenever I feel uncomfortable, I remember how uncomfortable I feel when I am drinking and inevitably do something stupid. There is no greater discomfort than that, to me.
So talk, it is.
Whatever it takes.
Whatever it takes.
Jane Says: If you need a friend, don't look to a stranger.
Labels: asking for help., humility, tools
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on Friday, April 18, 2008 at 12:54 PM.
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