Day 11: The Day After
Ugh, I feel frustrated when I read the group posts and see the collective months of sobriety. I think, *I* could have that many months! *I* could have one year, or whatever. But the simple fact is that I don't. And, even though this program is about me and what I choose to do with IT, I don't wish my fellow abstainers any ill will. I guess I shouldn't be so competitive all the time!
Dick and I went to the counselor again, yesterday. I didn't cry this time, and we have two common goals to work toward. 1.) Talk about the kid and what will happen with him next year. And 2.) Talk about life after here. I think both of these could be unpleasant conversations, but will do as I am asked.
The counselor did mention that he felt like there was a "Jane" camp, and an everybody else camp. I can agree with that. I know that I'm a hardass, but I think that I turned out okay. You don't get anywhere by negotiating with children.
We moved all the hard liquor out of our house, and I feel...I feel...relieved. Light, almost. The counselor equated it to having low blood sugar and having chocolate cake in the fridge all the time. I never really thought of alcoholism as a "disease" per se, but I can see how this could make sense. I guess Dick never saw the alcohol because he never drinks it, but I used to look at it every day. And not stare at it, or salivate over it, but just see it. If it was a dark day, then I thought about drinking it. On the days that I did relapse, then I drank it.
I'm feeling restless. Time to get out and run. Time to get up and go to a meeting - there is one tonight, thankfully. A happier group of people, I don't think I've seen in a long time. There's a lot of laughter in that room, considering.
Jane Says: January, February, March, April, May...I see you crying, but girl I can't stay.
Dick and I went to the counselor again, yesterday. I didn't cry this time, and we have two common goals to work toward. 1.) Talk about the kid and what will happen with him next year. And 2.) Talk about life after here. I think both of these could be unpleasant conversations, but will do as I am asked.
The counselor did mention that he felt like there was a "Jane" camp, and an everybody else camp. I can agree with that. I know that I'm a hardass, but I think that I turned out okay. You don't get anywhere by negotiating with children.
We moved all the hard liquor out of our house, and I feel...I feel...relieved. Light, almost. The counselor equated it to having low blood sugar and having chocolate cake in the fridge all the time. I never really thought of alcoholism as a "disease" per se, but I can see how this could make sense. I guess Dick never saw the alcohol because he never drinks it, but I used to look at it every day. And not stare at it, or salivate over it, but just see it. If it was a dark day, then I thought about drinking it. On the days that I did relapse, then I drank it.
I'm feeling restless. Time to get out and run. Time to get up and go to a meeting - there is one tonight, thankfully. A happier group of people, I don't think I've seen in a long time. There's a lot of laughter in that room, considering.
Jane Says: January, February, March, April, May...I see you crying, but girl I can't stay.
Labels: alcoholism, family counseling, hard liquor, new sobriety
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on Tuesday, April 22, 2008 at 6:38 PM.
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