Day 13: Uncomfortably Numb
I got an e-mail today; my cousin found his mother's body yesterday morning. She probably OD'ed. I feel scared, sad, lost, and numb. Guilty.
Rationally, I know that when people are that far into their addictions that there's little that you can say or do to get them out. It has to be of their own will. Their own volition. But there's always a little voice for me. Maybe she felt abandoned.
Hearing about her death is scary. Although I have lost a fair share of people in my life, she is the first one that has been lost to addiction. It makes everything bright, clear, and sharp to me. Addiction can and does kill. She was addicted to pills, but the results are the same.
Dick wants to send flowers, but I don't even know who or where to send them to. She and my uncle are divorced, so what is the protocol, here? And what the hell are flowers going to say? I'm sorry? Watch these slowly wilt while you grieve your dead mother/ex wife? I asked my mom if it would be more appropriate to make a donation to...anywhere. I know how small the success rate is. For recovering addicts. Miniscule.
Rationally, I know that when people are that far into their addictions that there's little that you can say or do to get them out. It has to be of their own will. Their own volition. But there's always a little voice for me. Maybe she felt abandoned.
Hearing about her death is scary. Although I have lost a fair share of people in my life, she is the first one that has been lost to addiction. It makes everything bright, clear, and sharp to me. Addiction can and does kill. She was addicted to pills, but the results are the same.
Dick wants to send flowers, but I don't even know who or where to send them to. She and my uncle are divorced, so what is the protocol, here? And what the hell are flowers going to say? I'm sorry? Watch these slowly wilt while you grieve your dead mother/ex wife? I asked my mom if it would be more appropriate to make a donation to...anywhere. I know how small the success rate is. For recovering addicts. Miniscule.
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on Thursday, April 24, 2008 at 12:55 PM.
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